


In which Sherlock Deletes English and Regains it in Seven Days

by enoughiamagod



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BBC Sherlock - Freeform, Gen, Sherlock Being Sherlock, crack!fic, not a johnlock fic, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 17:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/852053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enoughiamagod/pseuds/enoughiamagod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short crack!fic in which Sherlock deletes English.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which Sherlock Deletes English and Regains it in Seven Days

**Author's Note:**

> It's a short thing I wrote while on a long drive, so sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to comment/edit :)

In which Sherlock accidentally deletes English and regains it in seven days. 

The first day Sherlock deletes English from his large brain(it's a computer, John) , John is grateful for the quiet. For the last week, Sherlock had been in a frenzy, one of his strange moods where he was wont to talk and ramble for hours on end and John's only escape had been going to the store. Any farther away, and Sherlock went into a frenzy, texting John until he gave up and returned.  
He had bought a lot of food last week.  
Yesterday Sherlock had excused himself to his room, for some mind palace cleaning, and John took the time for some much needed excursions. When he had come back there were loud thumping noises, and their bookshelf looked ransacked. It was just Sherlock being Sherlock.  
Now, though, Sherlock was blessedly quiet.  
It was unnerving.  
"Sherlock!" No answer. John sighs. "SHERLOCk!"  
A muffled response from the bedroom. All right then. So Sherlock isn't dead. John flips on the television. Maybe now he could watch "the snake movies", as Sherlock called the Monty Python movies, in peace.  
John figures he must've fallen asleep after the second movie, because when he wakes the telly is off and he has their blue couch blanket tucked around him, and Sherlock is curled up in one of their armchairs- like a great big cat, John thinks affectionately, sleeping quietly. He gets up, wincing as his feet touch the cold floor, and drapes his blanket around his sleeping flatmate. Sherlock makes a gentle sleeping noise, and John smiles softly at the man, and pads off into his bedroom. He fails to notice the book in Sherlock's hand, nor the paper where, in Sherlock's elegant hand, the words John I have a problem are scrawled. The paper falls out of Sherlock's hand and lands on the floor, where it will be picked up but not read by John, as he's tidying the flat up. 

The second day after Sherlock manages to delete the English language from his brain, John realizes something is wrong. Sherlock won't say a word. He clearly wants to. But he won't open his mouth. He could just be in one of his difficult moods again, but it feels different and so John is concerned. The first questions come at breakfast. They are sitting in the living room, because Sherlock left fingers out again on the table and John can't eat near fingers. (The food you're eating was next to a head, Sherlock pointed out last week. Not better.) Sherlock is avoiding John's gaze. He has put headphones in. This is not unusual.  
"Sherlock, what are you doing?" No answer. Sherlock's eyes flicker over to John's and their expression seems to be: really John? I am busy so John shoves toast in his mouth and chews.  
"Sherlock." Glare.  
"Answer me." Eye roll.  
"I'll throw the fingers out." Blank face.  
"Play cute. I'll do it this time."  
He doesn't.  
Sherlock disappears again into his room.  
Later on he finds a box in the trash. It's a Rosetta Stone package, and the language it's teaching is English.  
John's suspicions rise. There's no way he could have-but yes there was. But English?  
Damn it, Sherlock.

The third day, John goes out and finds a lady who speaks Russian. It's Sherlock's fifth favorite language, so there's a chance that he'll be willing to talk to her and explain.  
He is not.  
The lady leaves 221B in tears after Sherlock calls her several of the worst names he can think of, and he can think of several.  
John sits in one of the armchairs. Sherlock is laying on the couch, headphones in. He has clearly turned the volume up so that John's voice will not cut through. John sighs and opens up his blog page. Might as well write in peace.  
"John."  
"What, Sherlock?" In careful, heavily accented English, Sherlock replies,  
"Where is the bathroom?" And John can't help but giggle. Sherlock smiles too, an embarrassed, chagrined smile, and John forgives him for deleting English. 

The fourth day is a bad day because that's the day Mycroft finds out.  
"I demand you un-delete it!" He is pacing their narrow living room. "What would mummy say? So irresponsible! How does that mistake even happen?"  
John retreats to the kitchen to put a kettle on. He has no wish to be around an angry Mycroft, because he'll be the next target.  
In the living room Mycroft shifts to French. Sherlock does not like French, and John knows that he'll start swearing at his brother soon.  
The kettle boils and the whistle mingles with Mycroft's voice. He has switched to Italian, a language Sherlock is fond of, and suddenly there are two voices in the living room. John brings them tea, and Mycroft excuses himself shortly after, apologizing to John for having such a stupid, pig-headed brother, and that he'll have mastered English in a few more days. John debates telling Sherlock to never speak English again. But really, he doesn't want to learn Italian so he refrains. Sherlock, as a form of apology, actually eats dinner with John, and then entertains him with a few Slavic dances on violin. 

On the fifth day, Sherlock has a working vocabulary of "get it for me, John," and "John, I need," and "SHUT UP JOHN," so John decides it's a good day to go for a walk. He calls Molly up (poor thing has had to work overtime the last few days, and the least John can do is be nice to her. Lord knows Sherlock isn't.) and she agrees to walk with him. John ends up recounting the story to her, which leaves her giggling and breathless and teary eyed by the time he is finished. Molly finds Sherlock's mistakes adorable yet humanizing, and John is glad that he's shared this with her, if only so that they can mock Sherlock on occasion. Mycroft calls when John returns, but Sherlock rips the phone from John and swears a blue streak in what John tentatively thinks is Norwegian, and then slams the phone back down. Sherlock has managed to acquire most of his language back again, John thinks, because he is frantically texting and when John sees the name (even upside down John knows who it is. Who else does Sherlock text so much?) he feels relieved. Lestrade will entertain Sherlock, keep him from accidentally re-deleting his progress. 

On the sixth day, Sherlock won't meet John's eyes, but he has moved the fingers back into the fridge and John is willing to accept that as a peace offering. Sherlock even attempts dinner that night, a disaster of burnt noodles and lumps John assumes is beef but doesn't ask about. They order pad thai later that night and watch John Wayne movies and if this is Sherlock's way of being kind to John, well, it's all right.

On the seventh day, Sherlock is back to normal and pretending nothing ever happened.  
John thinks Sherlock's embarrassed, not that he'd ever admit to it. He is kind, and refrains from teasing his flatmate.  
Sherlock is not so kind.  
He is in his jabbering mood again, loud and noisy and John almost- but not quite- wishes he deleted English for longer.  
But later that night when Sherlock whispers "thank you" and "you're too kind" and "you're the best", in as many languages as he can think of, John just smiles at him.  
Perhaps he should learn Italian after all.


End file.
